This question has been asked of us several times. Simple answer:
We said we would take one.
Many adoptive parents only want babies. Many adoptive parents will not take boys. Mothers are often the ones that initiate adoption, not fathers, and they sometimes think that it will be easier to bond with a daughter. Some fathers are okay with adoption, but not so okay with a son who is not of their biological lineage carrying on their family name. Some people believe that girls are easier to raise than boys (anyone who has raised children can tell you it is all about personality, not gender).
Most people adopting from China ask for a girl. Some go to China specifically because there are girls available, while in many European countries there are more boys available. We first looked at domestic adoption for an 8-10 year old boy, then at Ukraine with the intent to adopt a couple of boys or a boy and girl, then switched to China because of the relative simplicity of the process and the ability for just one of us to travel-G is self-employed so this was better for us.
We asked for either gender. We have a closet full of little girl's clothing, since boys are rarely referred, but bought some boy's clothing too, just in case. So although we expected a girl, it really didn't matter, and there was no preference. Okay, not quite true-LB wanted a brother.
For the past several years I have read stories by adoptive parents about how their child could not have been more perfectly placed with their family. I have not ignored the stories about attachment issues-in fact those parents should publish more-but as with any pre-adoptive parent I hope to arm myself with all the knowledge I can about those problems, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
I've been thinking about the referral for our son and I really think the Matching Room people did the best possible job. We asked for a 3-5 year old of either gender. He is four. We have one son and two daughters. He is a boy, giving us balance. Our family photograph was of our first daughter's wedding which showed three tall men and three very short women. He is tall. Our dossier said that our family was involved in sports, including stock car racing. He runs so fast that the other kids at the orphanage can't catch him, and he loves to play with plastic cars. I have 11 siblings and Christmas at my mother's house numbers more than 40 people; G has one sister but his family do everything together (our first date, and our second, were family outings). Our new son is outgoing and talkative. They really could not have studied our dossier more thoroughly.
Here are the rest of the details so far:
Name: Peng Yan Shen
DOB: April 28, 2004
Health Status: Normal
Living at Beijing Child Welfare Institute.
Early this morning I left Louisville where I was reading AP US history essays to be with my family. My husband's only sibling lost her only son last night in an accident. He and G were very close, more than just uncle and nephew.
Then this evening I got the call! We had asked for a 3-5 year old of either gender and our referral is for a four year old boy, born April 28, 2004 and currently living in Beijing. I'm not sure I got the spelling of his name right due to nerves, so after I get the preliminary referral tomorrow with pics, I'll update again.
Word is that referrals will come in early next week and that we're included!! Unfortunately, I'm in Kentucky reading AP US History exams until late next week. Still super excited and can't wait to post a picture of a real little person here.
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